Friday, August 2, 2019

What it’s Like to be an Extreme Planner with Anxiety

Stephanie Kamp Blog: What it’s Like to be an Extreme Planner with Anxiety

So one thing that I do is plan. Like a lot! I like to plan pretty much everything. I like to plan my day out, I like to plan my week out, and sometimes even a year or two in advanced. I also have anxiety. I've never been on medication or anything for my anxiety. It's a personal choice. I'd rather figure out how to deal with it on my own. I've been to therapy once for it and it also wasn't really my thing. I've had anxiety since I was a child but I'll probably talk more about that in a different post. I'm currently struggling with having anxiety because I plan too much but then when I'm not planning anything, I get anxiety. So I'm currently stuck in an endless cycle and I'm trying to figure out how to get out of it.

It’s kind of ironic that I'm such a huge planner because I actually hate using planners. I buy one typically every year but I never use it. My thing is to have a lined notebook where I can write down things in a more detailed manner. When I was in college I would literally schedule every hour of my day. I would wake up at 7, eat breakfast, sit down at my desk and write down my plans for the day so I could cross them off as I went along. I didn’t always follow my plans exactly, sometimes I would switch things around or the timing wouldn’t work out or something else so I would scratch that list and create a new one with the remaining hours left in the day. Now that I’m working it’s kind of hard to do that because I can’t really do that with my work since I basically just work off of a bunch of random task lists and I can't schedule them out. I mean I can but I can't really because some of them only take like 5 minutes to work on and some of them take like 2 hours to work on, it just depends on how much there is on each task list. So I do really miss that kind of structure and I definitely think that it would help with my anxiety but at the same time it might make it worse. 

So what I mean by extreme planner, is that currently when I plan something out that’s for my future I take into consideration my future kids that don’t even exist yet and probably won’t exist for a while. I think of basically everything and when I feel like it’s not really going to work out the way I want it to, I tend to get really bad anxiety! Sometimes I even plan out to the very tiniest detail and again if something doesn’t work out then I get really bad anxiety or I tend to get upset. I’ve pretty much been this way my whole life, which is another reason why I chose not to participate in a lot of activities growing up. I think even as a kid I knew things weren’t going to go how I wanted/planned them to go so I would just opt out and say no thank you! For me it’s easier to say no and walk away from a situation than to let myself be let down. There’s nothing I hate more than being disappointed, especially when it comes to myself. 

As hard as some of the classes were that I took in school, school was always easy for me because it was a routine. All I had to do was go to class, study the material and then pass the class. I didn’t always get an A but for a lot of my classes I didn’t really care. As long as if I got a B I would be good because deep down I knew the material didn’t really matter for real life, especially for high school. For college, I’ve used a few things that I learned but not much really! I think you don’t really start to learn the material for real life until you get into a masters program. That's when you're really able to dive in deep and learn more in-depth stuff.

The other reason I don’t plan out my day as much now that I’m a working adult is because when I get home from work, which is usually right before 5, all I want to do is sit on the couch and relax. I don’t want to get up and do work around the house. I’ve been at work for 9 hours and haven't been home in almost 10 hours because of my driving and I just want to relax! I want to be lazy! The only time I really ever do anything is on Friday nights and on the weekends. I mean I usually do stuff during the week but it’s a struggle to get up and get the motivation to actually do them. Like for example, writing this blog! I love writing my blog and I love coming up with new ideas and topics to talk about but I seriously lack the motivation to actually sit down and write it. I lack the energy to think about what I’m going to say. I’ve been using my brain constantly all day and all I want to do is not think! I try to catch up with things on the weekend but sometimes I’m so busy playing catch up that it’s hard to get things done that I actually want to get done!

And since I’m such a huge planner when I was younger I pretty much planned out my whole life, boyfriend by like 22 or 23, married with my masters by 25, and having kids and possibly my doctorate by 30! So far I’ve only accomplished 1 of those things! And I’m about to turn 26! So currently I’ve been feeling a little disappointed in myself for not following through on my plans. Granted some of them aren’t really up to me but other ones were. To be honest, life isn't really up to any of us. You can make a choice but it doesn't really mean that it's going to turn out the way you want it to. Your story is written by God and only he knows what will happen in your life.

I’m working really hard on telling myself everyday to just let life happen and enjoy every moment but I honestly think it’s going to take a really long time for me to stop feeling the way I do about planning out life. I've also been working on trying to catch myself when my brain goes off the deep end and starts thinking and planning things out. I have to tell myself to stop, to relax, and think about something else. I try to think about what I'm currently working on and sometimes I'll think of something to talk to my coworkers about so I can get my mind off of things. They all know that I'm huge planner, they tell me all the time so they probably have figured out that's why I talk so much at work haha!

I'm basically stuck because planning my life gives me anxiety but not planning my life gives me anxiety. I wish there was a happy medium between the two but so far I haven't been able to find it. I also wish I could care a little less about the future but I just want to make sure that I'm living life to it's fullest potential and that I take advantage of every opportunity. I feel like if you don't plan then you will miss out on a lot of things or you'll end up regretting how something turned out. I hope some people can relate to this post and if not I hope it didn't depress anyone haha!

Thanks for stopping by!
XO, Steph

Thursday, August 1, 2019

Top 10 Songs for Summer 2019

Stephanie Kamp Blog: Top 10 Songs for Summer 2019
So for today's post I thought it would be fun to share the top songs that I've been listening to this summer! All of these songs are super fun and I highly recommend all of them. Some of them are actually from the new TV show Songland which my sister and I have been watching. So far it seems to be pretty interesting. We're actually behind, I think the show is already over with for the season but we're always behind with TV shows because we only watch TV for a couple hours a night, if that and then we do other things.

1) Better Luck Next Time by Kelsea Ballerini 
2) Speechless by Dan + Shay
3) ME! by Taylor Swift
4) This Feeling by The Chainsmokers featuring Kelsea Ballerini
5) High School by Kelsea Ballerini
6) You Need to Calm Down by Taylor Swift
7) Hurt Me by Meghan Trainor
8) I Don't Care by Justin Bieber
9) If I Can't Have You by Shawn Mendes
10) Hey Look Ma, I Made It by Panic! At The Disco

Normally I don't like country music but there are a few artists that I do enjoy listening and Kelsea Ballerini is one of them. I know that Dan+ Shay are also considered country but I only know like 2 of their songs and I don't really count either of them as country. But lately I have been listening to Kelsea nonstop. I think all of her songs are super fun to listen to and they have a great beat! I also think Dan + Shay songs have a lot of meaning behind them which is important to me when listening to music.

Obviously Taylor is going to make the list since she's my favorite artist! Every time she comes out with new stuff I'm always kind of like I don't like it and then when I listen to it again I'm like just kidding this song is so great! I also really like how every single one of her songs has a lot of meaning behind it or a message behind it. I feel like a lot of artists just write songs to make money and not actually get a point across. Granted music isn't always about trying to say something but if you are then you should at least make it good!

All of the rest of the songs are just really fun to listen to! If you haven't given any of them a listen, I highly recommend them all! Unless you are not really into pop/country then don't haha!

Thanks for stopping by!
XO, Steph

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Biloxi Mississippi June 2019 Day 2

Stephanie Kamp Blog: Biloxi Mississippi June 2019 Day 2
Stephanie Kamp Blog: Biloxi Mississippi June 2019 Day 2
Stephanie Kamp Blog: Biloxi Mississippi June 2019 Day 2
Stephanie Kamp Blog: Biloxi Mississippi June 2019 Day 2
Hey guys,

So on Day 2 in Biloxi, Zach and I headed out kind of early in the morning to check out the local lighthouse, the beach, and get some breakfast. We didn't actually "go to the beach" because I guess most people don't really swim or go to the beach in Mississippi. I guess it has something to do with the water there but I'm not entirely sure! But we parked by the lighthouse, and then walked down to the end of the pier that's there. Then we decided to walk down a little bit and walk on the I-110 Loop Walk which is this walk way that like goes around the highway ramp because the highway actually is on the beach and in the water. It was kind of cool but we basically just walked down to the end and then turned around and walked back.

There isn't really that much to do in Biloxi besides the casinos. I'm not really sure what we have planned for the next time but I think all there really is left to do there is the mall and maybe a museum or two? I will have to do more research! But once we left the beach we decided to get some breakfast and found this place called Fill-up with Billups. It was a cute restaurant but it was kind of small. We actually ended up eating there two mornings in a row. We went back the next day with my mom and tried some new foods!

Once we were done with breakfast we decided to go back to the base and just hangout and spend some time together catching up since we weren't able to talk for about two months! My mom went out and explored the town a little bit more. She checked out some antique stores and then the mall.

In the evening we decided to check out a couple more hotels! We went to the Golden Nugget so we could eat at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company because Zach had never eaten there either. Next to the Golden Nugget was the Margaritaville Hotel, which is what we checked out next! Some of the hotels are kind of set up weird there because the first floor is like the equivalent of a mud room. You enter the hotel and then go up escalators to get to the lobby and check in area. For Margaritaville, you enter the first floor and then the second floor was actually an arcade which was great because that's where we spent like the next hour or so just playing games. I'm not a huge gambler so the whole arcade thing was a lot more fun for me!

We then headed back to the base and Zach and I decided to go bowling, which is not something I do very often because I suck at bowling and I don't really enjoy it but I thought it would be fun to go. So we checked out the bowling alley and I got 1 strike the whole two games we played and probably like 10-15 gutter balls! I am that bad at bowling! Needless to say he won! Onee we were done bowling we had to say goodnight and I drove him back to his dorm.

Sunday was our last day and we left pretty early in the morning because we had to make it back home the same day! It was a very long drive but we survived. We ate breakfast in town with Zach and then headed back to the base to say our goodbyes. Saying goodbye is my least favorite thing to do and it's never easy. I usually always cry! I never cry at hellos, I only ever cry at goodbyes! I grew up with a father in the military and the goodbyes have always been the hardest part for me but saying hello is always easy and the best feeling of overwhelming joy!

Talk to you soon!
XO, Steph

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Biloxi Mississippi June 2019 Day 1

Stephanie Kamp Blog: Biloxi Mississippi Day 1
Stephanie Kamp Blog: Biloxi Mississippi Day 1
Stephanie Kamp Blog: Biloxi Mississippi Day 1
Stephanie Kamp Blog: Biloxi Mississippi Day 1
Hey guys,

So my boyfriend is currently stationed in Biloxi, MS and my mom and I took a trip up there about 2 weeks after her got there which was about 2 weeks after his BMT graduation. I'm actually about to head there myself in about a week in and a half! I'm flying up after work on Friday and then flying back on Sunday in the afternoon/evening. 

Anyways, on our first trip up there, my mom and I actually drove up. We left on a Thursday after work and to be honest, driving up there again is not something I'm really looking forward to doing again. It was very long drive and even though we broke it up on the way up there it still felt like it took forever before we finally got there. We got there on Friday afternoon round 4 and then we left Sunday around 10:20 am and then we didn't end up making it home until about 10 at night. It was a very long day and we were both exhausted by the end of it. However, since I'm flying up there this time I'm going to compare the two and see what happens. We also have friends that live in Tallahassee so I kind of want to drive up there and stay their house for one night since it's like the half way point. 

On our first night we stopped like an hour outside of Tally and found a random hotel that we paid wayyyy too much for. And then on Friday morning we got up, ate breakfast and headed back on the road. Our first stop was Mobile, Alabama. I thought it would be fun to make a quick little pit stop. So we did and we ate lunch downtown at a very cute BBQ place and then we did a guided tour of a historical home in Mobile. It was called the Richards DAR House Museum. It was a very cute tour and ended with tea or lemonade and cookies! I believe it was $10 per person which isn't too bad of a price considering you get cookies!

Once we were done with the tour we headed back to our car and got back on the road. We were only about an hour and a half away from the base so that was nice. Granted the drive still seemed to take forever. We made it to the base at a really good time. We got there only like 30 minutes before he got done with his classes so we just hangout until he was able to meet up with us. We couldn't figure out how to check into the hotel on base so thankfully he helped us with that and then once we got all unloaded we decided to head into town and check out the fancy hotels down by the water. We parked at the Hard Rock and then he and I went on a date at the Hard Rock restaurant there because he had never been to one before. It was a lot of fun and split an appetizer and a meal and a milkshake!

We then walked around the hotel a little bit and then watched the Sunset which is what we are doing in the last photo. Some people apparently thought this photo was an engagement announcement because of my hand placement so that was kind of awkward! But it's okay, I'll just be more careful of where I place my hand in the future. I'm just an awkward posing so I didn't really know what else to do with my hand haha but other than that I thought it was a great photo!

We also walked to the hotel next door to the Hard Rock which is called the Beau Rivage and it is basically Biloxi's version of the Bellagio. It is an absolutely beautiful hotel and I would love to stay there someday. The Bellagio is my favorite hotel on the strip so I think it would be cool to stay at like the mini version of it haha!

Once we got done with all of that we headed back to the base and hangout for a little bit before it was time to go to bed and get ready for the next day!

Thanks for stopping by!
XO, Steph

Monday, July 29, 2019

July Life Update 2019

Stephanie Kamp Blog: July Life Update 2019
Stephanie Kamp Blog: July Life Update 2019
Hey guys,

So not a lot is going on right now! I'm mostly just working and Facetiming my boyfriend every night. A little recap of the month includes spending July 4th watching some fireworks on the water with my family and my parents traveling to Alaska for two weeks and leaving us with their new puppy. She's only about 7 or 8 months old. But she is very hyper and active and our two older dogs are not! They are both 11 years old and puppies are very annoying to them! haha but we all survived and as annoying as she may be, she is a very adorable dog and it's hard to stay mad at her. We also had some of our friends come into town which was great! Some of them had never seen our house before so we got to show off all of our hard work and we had such a great time. My sister and I seriously cannot wait until they come back into town! 

I'm currently trying to do a small side business of redoing furniture. It's something I'm very passionate about and I really enjoy doing it. I already had two pieces of furniture and then recently went shopping for some more. I haven't decided where or how I'm going to sell the pieces once they are done but I'm really hoping it works out well. So far I've only invested about $100 into the project/idea so even if I'm only able to sell each piece for $20 then I've still made a profit. It will be a small one but at least I didn't lose any money. So far I have 3 tables, a vanity bench, a small chair and matching stool, 3 matching chairs that I'm going to break up and do 2 matching and maybe someone will buy them as their head of the table chairs and then another single chair by itself. Believe it or not but on all of those pieces of furniture I only spent $24.53 all together. 

I already had a few stains from projects that I've already done around my house so my goal is to use those up and then once I start making a profit and if the idea takes off then I can invest in some other color stains. I also already had some fabric leftover from a couple projects that I did around my house as well so I'm going to use that up and then I bought 3 new pieces of fabric to play around with, which is how I'm able to keep my investment so low. My goal is to sell them for at least $50 a piece so I can make some money and then put some of it in savings and then the rest towards buying more pieces of furniture and better supplies. 

I am also starting to think about what kind of car I want next and how much money I'm going to need to get a car. I'm currently thinking used but only by a couple years so that way I can still have all of the same safety features but not having to spend so much money on something new. I currently lease my car and I have to turn it in at the end of April of 2020 so I have less than a year and I really need to start saving! I still have my old Acura TSX that I plan on selling soon so that will at least get my savings started somewhat! My goal is to have at least $10,000 saved up so I won't have as large of a monthly payment. So it'll depends on how much I sell my Acura for that I need to save up. 

I currently know that I want an SUV but I'm not entirely sure which one or what brand. My longterm goal in life is to own and Acura RDX because I think it's like the perfect size SUV and my mom used to have one and I loved driving it around. I also know what color I want, which is blue. I absolutely hate basic car colors, white, black, silver and gold are not colors! They are accents colors that you wear to finish putting your outfit together. They are not something you drive around in! No offense to whoever drives a boring colored car! 

I also really want to spend some time focusing on minimizing the amount of stuff I have. I have the tendency to buy something whenever I think it's cute but lately my goal is to only buy something if I really need it and use whatever I already have at home. My whole life I've always been told "You can't take it with you when you go" so I'm trying to make sure I don't have too much stuff and that I'm not too attached to anything I already own. 

I hope you enjoyed this post and learning a little bit more about what's going on in my life! I will keep you updated with another post next month!

Thanks for stopping by!
XO, Steph